In any divorce that has been traumatic, has involved infidelity or adultery, or has been contentious due to other reasons, there is a high likelihood that your co-parenting arrangement will suffer as a result. If you are currently a father in a challenging situation, where you are trying to co-parent with an ex-wife who is making matters difficult, it is on you take responsibility to be a better parent.
For instance, if the divorce has involved infidelity, the ex-wife may be emotionally traumatized, and much of that may eventually turn into resentment that infiltrates the child care arrangements. In a case like this, the partner who feels victimized could use the child as a way to get back against the father. The child might be poisoned against the father in these cases.
How do you deal with a situation like this? In the first place, understand that this is being done to get a reaction from you, or get back at you. If you choose not to deal with it, and do not give it much thought, this behavior will eventually disappear. For instance, if you choose to make a big deal out of your ex’s behavior, you could be playing right into her hands. Be the responsible parent in the situation, and tell yourself that you will ignore resentful or childish remarks from your ex-spouse, purely in the best interests of your children.
To do this, you’ll have to limit communication only to the most vital. Limit communication only to information about the children.
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you will be able to make up any of your past shortcomings in the marriage, or fix any of the damage that you possibly may have inflicted on the marriage by your own actions, now. There is no way that the past can be revisited, and it’s best if you let it go. Avoid unnecessary complications or contact with your ex. Don’t allow yourself to feel like you need to keep apologizing for any real or perceived negligence on your part during the marriage.
In cases, where the marriage has gone through a betrayal, joint counseling can help, even after you have made the decision to divorce. This can make the process of divorce much smoother.
If counseling is not an option in your case, get a friend or a family member to mediate between the two of you, so that you provide a more stable environment for your children.
This article is not legal or financial advice. You should contact a lawyer, accountant and/or financial professional in your state to discuss the specifics or your case and applicable laws.